Before you start committing to new year’s resolutions…
It would be too easy to set goals for 2023 from the mindset of wanting life to be different than it is.
It would be so simple to put too much pressure on ourselves, or give up on anything before we’ve even begun.
For many, a list of desired accomplishments quickly transports us into the blissful future, away from what might feel like a difficult present moment. Our reaching can amplify our attachments. Our desires are born of our unexamined fears. We wouldn’t find any lasting joy in those outcomes if they are the offspring of escapism.`
Put simply: if you cannot find contentment today, any goal you set for yourself will be born of the discontent that motivates your future thoughts and actions. If you’re grumpy now, your goals will be grumpy too. Your grumpy actions might get you to the grumpy goal, and you’d celebrate like a grump. I’m so guilty of this.
The authenticity of your goals expands dramatically when they are created from love of self, love of the moment, love of the journey.
When you dream from a state of peace, it’s far more likely you’ll succeed.
People who enjoy the journey travel farther.
So, before you set your goals for this coming year (or even if you don’t bother with new years goals), spend thirty minutes with this reflection on your experience of the journey that you're on:
Name three prominent emotions you are experienced loudest this past year. If they are difficult emotions (worry, shame, frustration, impatience, etc.), spend a few moments breathing with each one, closing your eyes, nodding, as if you were listening to a friend and empathizing with their experience. Rub your chest. Nod your head. I hear you. If they are positive emotions, are external circumstances responsible for these feelings or do they come from within? You know the difference.
As you sit with exactly the way you are feeling, notice how all emotions ebb and flow like waves on a beach. You are not the emotion. You are the one experiencing the emotion. You are the loving witness.
List the best moments of the last year. What were the highs? Where were the moments of deepest clarity? When did you feel a quiet, unshakeable confidence? Not all the highs are loud, public, or frenetic releases of energy; some of our greatest success, we keep a secret.
List the hardest moments of the last year. What shook you to your core? When did something happen that felt like you wouldn’t survive? What lesson did you learn from each? Do those lessons encourage connection, honesty, and empathy, or are they stories you tell yourself to justify a hardened heart? We are done listening to the lesson when it feels obvious that everyone deserves our forgiveness.
What emotions do you want to feel when you are working towards your goals? Write them down. Passion? Curiosity? Excitement? Playfulness? See if you can connect with the feeling of that desired emotion right now. Our mind is an instrument and we must tune it before we play… With direct focus and attention, we can choose the frequency of our neuro-orchestra to instantly feel love, confidence, gratitude, and acceptance, regardless of how the external circumstances would try to make us feel.
From this state, remind yourself that you are most productive when you are feeling these emotions. From a state of pain, we are less productive – indeed, our thoughts and actions and words can often be destructive. When we feel low, it is time to tend to the body, return to the basics, and slow down. When we feel enthusiastic, loving, and inclusive, it is time to brainstorm, solve problems, move forward, and achieve externally. Let it be the love that overflows from yourself that you give to the world around you.
Remind yourself that the lows and stumbles and blocks and heartbreaks are actually just more moments in an infinite story of your own expansion. That doesn’t always feel true, but we know we’re in the right state of mind to act when this truth feels obvious. A problem is only a problem if we don’t know how to work with it. When we really understand what’s keeping us stuck, we see it as a massive opportunity. This clarity takes time to unfold, as we train ourselves to turn to our deepest stillness where wisdom always waits.
Congratulate yourself for both the successes and challenges you faced in the last year. Celebrate the successes of other people around you. Zoom out for a minute and remember that whatever goals and ideas we have about who we want to be, there’s a whole planet out there that is simply doing the best it knows how. We need to be the ones encouraging each other rather than criticizing others and tearing them down for their mistakes. Choose to celebrate when others succeed, and we’ll be opening ourselves to receiving their wisdom to ignite our own passion and attract our own victory. Create a relationship with success where you love to see it, expect to receive it, so when it comes, you believe it. The more success you celebrate, the more you welcome it in.
As you set goals, ask yourself whether they are “I’m ready to…” or “I should…” statements. If you feel some shame, guilt, impatience, or resentment around the present form of what you want to change, those emotions will wear down your resolve to succeed in the long run. Any success that does come will ring hollow, because it’s all been accomplished from a place of fear. You would have set a bad goal because you’d be running from painful emotions, rather than to exciting and desirable outcomes of luxurious expressions of self-love in the present moment. When we feel good, we dream better.
After you write some goals down, look back at them and be reasonable: can you prioritize all these things in a year, or do we need a little more focus? Are the outcomes clear? Are we choosing surface achievements and materialism, or self-love and love of others on a deep enough level that those surface outcomes become simple symptoms of real success? How will we begin moving forward, and who has the knowledge and insight and wisdom to get us there? If you’re the captain of your own team, who is going to make the cut?
Change and acceptance are a tricky pair. Future dreams and present serenity seem to argue for our attention. It can feel like a paradox: either we are supposed to accept ourselves or dig deep enough to become better. But it’s actually two sides of the same coin. Our love for self in this very moment liberates us to release what blocks us. Self-love allows for us to see ourselves as infinitely more powerful than we often feel. Our connection to this more powerful sense of self makes big changes relatively easy. As if the mountain we once thought we’d have to climb now is a small mound in our sandbox. I have experienced this. Many times.
Finally – and a bonus thought: go back over your goals and extract the single verb that is most indicative of you accomplishing your goals. For example, I want to publish a book, so writing is a verb that indicates I’m getting closer to success. My verbs for 2023 are write, speak, travel, breath, listen, and rest. If I’m doing these, I’m winning. Get clear on your success verbs, because prioritizing them in your daily calendar is the surest way to stay connected to the goals you set and the passion that is waiting to be unleashed and celebrated by all.
Happy 2023, fam. It’s such a gift to be succeeding by writing to you, and I celebrate your success with you.
If you want to connect for a 2023 Planning Session, I can help you cut through to what matters to you most. Let me know if that interests you!
Love you, make sure to have fun….
Shua